International Lesbian Day: Birth, Belonging, and the Right to Informed Choice
Every year on International Lesbian Day, I take time to reflect on what it means to exist and to thrive as a lesbian in spaces that were never built for us.
As a non-binary lesbian doula, I work with lesbian and queer families navigating fertility, pregnancy, birth, and parenting. And while every journey is unique, one theme always echoes: we are constantly having to find our own way through systems that weren’t designed with us in mind.
🌱 Making Informed Decisions with Limited Information
When lesbian people begin exploring fertility whether through IUI, IVF, or home insemination we often find that the information available simply doesn’t reflect our lives.
Most research and clinical data centres heterosexual, cisgender couples, leaving huge gaps in understanding around lesbian conception, fertility preservation, and early pregnancy care.
That means lesbian and queer families are often left to piece together knowledge from fragmented sources, community wisdom, or online forums when what we really need is clear, evidence-based, inclusive guidance.
Making informed decisions shouldn’t require extra labour just because we’re lesbians. We deserve fertility care that recognises our realities and supports our choices.
⚕️ Being Labelled “High Risk” for the Wrong Reasons
Many of my clients have been told their pregnancies are “high risk” not because of any clinical complication, but simply because they conceived through IUI, IVF, or at-home insemination. These methods don’t automatically make a pregnancy riskier. What they often expose is a healthcare culture that still frames lesbian conception as “other.” This kind of labelling can lead to unnecessary monitoring, heightened anxiety, and a sense of being medicalised rather than supported. True informed care means assessing each pregnancy based on the person, not the method.
🤍 When Midwives Don’t Understand Queer Family Makeup
Birth and postnatal care should be rooted in compassion yet too often, lesbian families encounter confusion or bias.
Midwives and healthcare professionals may still ask heteronormative or invasive questions:
“Who’s the dad?”
“Who’s the real mum?”
“Who’s the partner?”
This language can alienate, shame, or erase one parent particularly non-gestational parents who are often sidelined in conversations about care. As doulas, we work to create affirming spaces and model inclusive language but systemic change must follow. Every family deserves to feel recognised and respected, without needing to explain or justify their structure.
🧡 Pre- and Postnatal Spaces Must Evolve
So many antenatal and postnatal spaces are deeply heteronormative with one room for “mums,” one for “dads,” with no thought to families who don’t fit that binary. For non-gestational lesbian parents, this often means being excluded from classes, support groups, and vital conversations about birth, feeding, bonding, and recovery. Most of the time, these parents want to be part of the same conversations as the pregnant person rather than separated, not sidelined, but included as equal parents. When we build spaces that assume only one type of family, we fail to meet the needs of so many, not just queer parents, but anyone whose family doesn’t fit the narrow mould. Creating inclusive pre- and postnatal spaces means shifting language, assumptions, and practices so that every parent can belong and feel supported — together.
🌿 Healthcare Professionals Need Better Resources
Midwives, fertility specialists, and GPs often want to provide inclusive care, but they aren’t being equipped to do so.
Many lack access to:
Up-to-date information about LGBTQ+ fertility and conception options
Guidance on inclusive language and documentation
Understanding of non-traditional family structures
Without these tools, lesbian and queer parents are often left to educate the very professionals meant to support them. Inclusive training, diverse imagery, and policy change aren’t optional extras. They’re essential to providing safe, equitable care.
💗 A Call for Visibility and Justice
International Lesbian Day is about more than celebration, it’s about visibility with purpose.
Visibility means being understood, respected, and included.
It means lesbian families being able to access fertility care without bias.
It means midwives and doulas understanding queer family structures.
And it means every lesbian parent, gestational or not, being welcomed into spaces that recognise her parenthood as valid and visible. Lesbian families are already redefining what family, love, and care look like. But the systems around us need to catch up.
To every lesbian navigating fertility, pregnancy, loss, or new parenthood:
You are valid.
You are powerful.
And you deserve care that celebrates who you are in full colour, without compromise.
